It is interesting to read old blog and journal entries. Sometimes it's frustrating to know that you are still struggling with certain things and freeing to know you have gotten through others. It can also provide some comic relief.
I do apologize to those who have read my blog in the past. I have been writing more in my personal journal then on my blog. I've written less because I often wonder how much of myself do I expose in my blog? How much do I really want the world to know?
The third semester of seminary is now over. It wasn't a bad semester by any means. I liked some of my classes and hated others. That's how school has always been. One big positive from the past semester is that my call to ministry has been solidified. The specifics of that call are still blurry but I indeed want to serve in some capacity in the church. I also have begun to feel more confident in the skills I bring to ministry. I still struggle with self-c0nfidence and I often find myself comparing myself to others. However, I feel as though I'm slowly winning that war. But I fear it will be a war I will have the rest of my life.
Over break I have been reading a book on Biblical authority. This book has selections from many different authors and offers different perspectives on the issue. So far, it has been a blessing to read. It has made me think deeply about my own beliefs. Here are a couple through provoking quotes:
"I see the main locus of sacredness of the biblical text to be connected to the Jewish community and not to God" - Marc Zvi Brettler
I found that statement to challenge my own understanding of Scripture. He made this statement in response to a question of why he did not mention God a lot in his article. It made me think if the Bible is holy because it is God's word or because the community has said that it is God's word. I believe the Bible to be God's word but how that happens exactly is something I cannot comprehend. I wonder how the Holy Spirit actually did work through the writing of Scripture?
"To put it simply, the Bible is not a reference manual." - Michael Joseph Brown
Amen to that. So many people want to the Bible to be a "how to" book. As I grow in my understanding of the Bible, I realize just how complex it can be. There are certain parts which are crystal clear but other parts are extremely murky. Great care must be taken.
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Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Tonight I was part of a group that acted out a story from 2 Kings 4. It is the story of the women with the empty vessels. We performed this story in front of a group of professors, classmates, trustees and others. It was an amazing experience and something I would love to do again. There is something about bringing the biblical stories to life, especially these Old Testament dialogues. I find myself seeing how scripture does indeed live and how it still speaks to us. As an actor, i found myself diving into my role and wondering what this person was thinking. I am grateful that I am at a school that is teaching Hebrew in this way. I believe this will continue to transform my view of scripture as well as my personal walk.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
As he spoke, his words performed surgery on my heart and mind. I instinctively fought this intrusion upon my life. The fight didn't last for long and I sat pondering what it was that was required of me? What is it in my life that I need to change? Why do I still feel so empty, yet wanting to give so much? "for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I've constantly tried to fill this hole with other things. How is it that after so many years, I still struggle with the same things? Why is the approval of others something I yearn after?
Before, during and after every conversation I wonder what was thought about me. Did I sound like an idiot? Did I make the right impression?
I hate this feeling. Make it go away. Wait...don't...I need this.
Before, during and after every conversation I wonder what was thought about me. Did I sound like an idiot? Did I make the right impression?
I hate this feeling. Make it go away. Wait...don't...I need this.
Monday, October 5, 2009
My Embodiment class is changing my attitudes and opening up my mind to new and different ideas. I almost feel as if I am being freed from shackles that have held me for far too long. There is still a long road ahead but I'm looking forward to the changes that will come. This particular section stood out to me in our latest reading:
"Sexual intimacy is the communion of love, not unification. But such intimacy rests in some large measure upon each partner's own sense of worth as a person, each one's ability to be self-affirming. Without this, we elevate the other into the center of our lives, hoping that the other's affirmation will assure us of our own reality. But this is too large an order for the partner. The beloved has been idolatrized and confused with the divine." - James B. Nelson
I just thought about my own love life. I have been living under the assumption that when I meet "the" girl that everything will just fall into place. She will somehow complete me as was the case in Jerry Maguire. I realize how idiotic that was but I think it's still how a lot of people operate. I need time to work on myself. I spent years feeling trapped and stuck. I am now feeling like I'm in the process of freeing myself.
"Sexual intimacy is the communion of love, not unification. But such intimacy rests in some large measure upon each partner's own sense of worth as a person, each one's ability to be self-affirming. Without this, we elevate the other into the center of our lives, hoping that the other's affirmation will assure us of our own reality. But this is too large an order for the partner. The beloved has been idolatrized and confused with the divine." - James B. Nelson
I just thought about my own love life. I have been living under the assumption that when I meet "the" girl that everything will just fall into place. She will somehow complete me as was the case in Jerry Maguire. I realize how idiotic that was but I think it's still how a lot of people operate. I need time to work on myself. I spent years feeling trapped and stuck. I am now feeling like I'm in the process of freeing myself.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
The darkness overtook me so much today that I didn't even want to praise God. I sat in chapel grumpy, crabby, lonely and pissed off. I barely passed the peace because I didn't want anything to do with it. I didn't want to hear that God was good and that God is faithful. I wanted to go on believing that God didn't give two craps about me. I wanted to know why I have to feel this loneliness? Why don't I have that special someone yet? Why must I always be the friend, the big brother, the confidant, the listener, the comforter, the soundboard, the fool? From the time last semester ended till this day the darkness has enveloped me more and more. There were tiny breaks here and there but nothing significant. So, where does that leave me? I'm still here, I still feel like there is a reason I should be here. I know I'm here to grow but wishing it wasn't so painful. I knew I had a loving community here in Holland when I was back in Chicago. However, when I got here, I didn't feel the love. It's not as if people haven't loved me, maybe I haven't allowed people to love me. I think I'll be okay though, I still have that awesome optimism to lean on.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
I know I should go back to Holland. I know that is where God wants me at this time. However, I am again torn. Feeling as if I want to be in two places at one time. Two places in which I still don't perfectly fit. As the song goes, I want everything and nothing at the same time. I want to be in Chicago with my crew, living the life I always thought I would. Yet, I want to be in Holland with my crew because that is where I will grow. I almost wish I could commute to school...=) I almost feel like leaving Chicago this year will be harder than it was last August. I know there are good things in Holland and I love it there. There is just something about being "home" though, it's safe. Even though I have settled in Holland, its still not home. I know its just a place of transition. I am still trusting in the process though. God is faithful, hopefully I am.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
It's spring break so I figured I would write something. After this week, I only have 3.5 weeks of school left. The first year of seminary is almost done, it's been an interesting ride. It's been filled with emotional, spiritual and mental changes and challenges.
I decided to come home for break and yesterday I had a small vision of the future. I went downtown with some of the girls from seminary. They came in for the day. We went to the field museum, navy pier and the borders on state street. We walked to all these places and my dogs were barking by the end of the day. I took the brown line home and while listening to Lupe Fiasco, I had a vision. By the way, it's awesome to be looking at the skyline at night on the train while listening to "go go gadget flow." "I'm from a city in the midwest, best city in the whole wide world." I got chills. Back to this vision. Over this first year in seminary, I have wondered what my future would be. Would I ever come back to Chicago? Until last night, I didn't think I would. I figure I will finish my M.Div. at Western and then take my first call to a church anywhere. I could stay at that church hopefully 5-10 years and get some good experience. At some point I would come back to Chicago and start my own church. That's as far as I got. I felt good about that vision. Of course I will be prayerful about it and its still at least 10 years down the road.
Speaking of Lupe Fiasco, I went to his concert last week and it was amazing. He had so much energy on stage. My two favorite songs of the night were "go go gadget flow" and "daydreamin". Beforehand, there was a lecture given by Cornel West, he spoke on theology and hip-hop. Calvin College has a faith and music festival and this lecture and the concert were a part of that. Cornel West is a professor at Princeton and is the head of the African American Studies department and he is a well known philosopher. He challenged me in so many ways when he spoke. He first spoke of being Christian and loving others. He said that it was an audacious statement to say that you are a Christian. With all that comes with it, I agree with him. I use it rather flippantly at times. He spoke of loving other and not standing for injustice in this world. If you love others it should anger you when they are treated injustly. He went on to speak of aristotle and the idea of examining one's own life and soul. It is out of this framework that he began to speak of faith and music. The gist of his lecture was that music is a reflection of society or can even be a commentary on society. African American music in particular is a view of society from the "least of these". It made me think, what does hip hop say about our society? Christians, white ones in particular, are quick to dismiss hip hop. I acknowledge that not all hip hop is worth listening to but it is still a reflection. Even bling bling raps shows us that our society is full of greed and getting what's yours. Dr. West made a distinction between Constantinian rap and prophetic rap. I liked this distinction and I think we can apply it to many other things. Overall, the lecture challenged me to truly live out my faith.
I think that's all I got right now...
I decided to come home for break and yesterday I had a small vision of the future. I went downtown with some of the girls from seminary. They came in for the day. We went to the field museum, navy pier and the borders on state street. We walked to all these places and my dogs were barking by the end of the day. I took the brown line home and while listening to Lupe Fiasco, I had a vision. By the way, it's awesome to be looking at the skyline at night on the train while listening to "go go gadget flow." "I'm from a city in the midwest, best city in the whole wide world." I got chills. Back to this vision. Over this first year in seminary, I have wondered what my future would be. Would I ever come back to Chicago? Until last night, I didn't think I would. I figure I will finish my M.Div. at Western and then take my first call to a church anywhere. I could stay at that church hopefully 5-10 years and get some good experience. At some point I would come back to Chicago and start my own church. That's as far as I got. I felt good about that vision. Of course I will be prayerful about it and its still at least 10 years down the road.
Speaking of Lupe Fiasco, I went to his concert last week and it was amazing. He had so much energy on stage. My two favorite songs of the night were "go go gadget flow" and "daydreamin". Beforehand, there was a lecture given by Cornel West, he spoke on theology and hip-hop. Calvin College has a faith and music festival and this lecture and the concert were a part of that. Cornel West is a professor at Princeton and is the head of the African American Studies department and he is a well known philosopher. He challenged me in so many ways when he spoke. He first spoke of being Christian and loving others. He said that it was an audacious statement to say that you are a Christian. With all that comes with it, I agree with him. I use it rather flippantly at times. He spoke of loving other and not standing for injustice in this world. If you love others it should anger you when they are treated injustly. He went on to speak of aristotle and the idea of examining one's own life and soul. It is out of this framework that he began to speak of faith and music. The gist of his lecture was that music is a reflection of society or can even be a commentary on society. African American music in particular is a view of society from the "least of these". It made me think, what does hip hop say about our society? Christians, white ones in particular, are quick to dismiss hip hop. I acknowledge that not all hip hop is worth listening to but it is still a reflection. Even bling bling raps shows us that our society is full of greed and getting what's yours. Dr. West made a distinction between Constantinian rap and prophetic rap. I liked this distinction and I think we can apply it to many other things. Overall, the lecture challenged me to truly live out my faith.
I think that's all I got right now...
Friday, March 6, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
While I'm cooking dinner I figured I would write a little something.
I seem to be feeling better these days and I can see some growth in my life. Overall, I have a better attitude about life and where this whole seminary adventure is leading me. Although I still get moments in class where I just get grumpy and crabby for some reason. I start to have this feeling that no one here cares about me and I really have no friends. I remember having those same feelings back in Chicago. I know these thoughts are irrational and at least now I can acknowledge that. I have also tried to be more open with my feelings. I am beginning to see how one thing I do affects other areas of my life. I seem to have a peace about life that is quite the change from how I was a few weeks ago.
Spiritually I feel as though I could do more in terms of practices but I definitely feel close to God. I am going to give up Facebook for Lent. I have noticed that I spend an absurd amount of time on the site. I don't nearly get as much work/reading done as I want to. I got a Lent devotional and so hopefully that will benefit me as well. I just feel like I can truly say that I am depending on God. I am trying to live a life pleasing to Him. I still fall and get caught up in the trappings of life but I am trying. Relying on God's grace in every minute of my life, not an easy thing to do, but a lifelong goal.
Chapel last Friday was great. Every Friday at the seminary we celebrate communion. The leader of the service offered the bread and the cup in a different way. We actually went up to the table and sat with him as if we were having a normal meal. In watching other people I nearly teared up. I realized that every time we take communion we share a meal with Jesus. Too often communion gets formalized and I forget how special it is.
I seem to be feeling better these days and I can see some growth in my life. Overall, I have a better attitude about life and where this whole seminary adventure is leading me. Although I still get moments in class where I just get grumpy and crabby for some reason. I start to have this feeling that no one here cares about me and I really have no friends. I remember having those same feelings back in Chicago. I know these thoughts are irrational and at least now I can acknowledge that. I have also tried to be more open with my feelings. I am beginning to see how one thing I do affects other areas of my life. I seem to have a peace about life that is quite the change from how I was a few weeks ago.
Spiritually I feel as though I could do more in terms of practices but I definitely feel close to God. I am going to give up Facebook for Lent. I have noticed that I spend an absurd amount of time on the site. I don't nearly get as much work/reading done as I want to. I got a Lent devotional and so hopefully that will benefit me as well. I just feel like I can truly say that I am depending on God. I am trying to live a life pleasing to Him. I still fall and get caught up in the trappings of life but I am trying. Relying on God's grace in every minute of my life, not an easy thing to do, but a lifelong goal.
Chapel last Friday was great. Every Friday at the seminary we celebrate communion. The leader of the service offered the bread and the cup in a different way. We actually went up to the table and sat with him as if we were having a normal meal. In watching other people I nearly teared up. I realized that every time we take communion we share a meal with Jesus. Too often communion gets formalized and I forget how special it is.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Praise You - Out of Eden
Lord I really don't know how to write a song,
I'm not always eloquent
sometimes I get it wrong,
But the thing you're doing in me I can't describe.
What a fool I'd be if I chose to hide,
this transformation,new motivation.
Thought that we were close I've known you all this time,
but I was just living my life my way just getting by,
Thought that if i do a good deed or two,
that was enough to please you,
I kept the parts I wanted to,
and missed out on the real you.
Chorus:
Now with every step & every breath,
I'll give it all, hold nothing back,
with all I am,
this is my choice to live to worship you,
so with all my heart, my soul, my mind
I love you, leave it all behind,
to live my life in awe of you,
it's the least that I can do.
I've held on so long to all my hopes & dreams,
while your asking me to place them all at your feet,
Let my praise be more than a song I'll sing for you,
Let me change all my ways in response to you,
I've lived for myself, Lord I need your help,
not I who lives but you
Chorus:
Now with every step & every breath,
I'll give it all, hold nothing back,
with all I am,
this is my choice to live to worship you,
so with all my heart, my soul, my mind
I love you, leave it all behind,
to live my life in awe of you,
it's the least that I can do.
For you, for you are worthy of all honor
And you, deserve the sacrifice I'll give.
You've touched my heart,
and now I see what it is you want from me,
So I'll lose the things that hold me back,
so you can set me free.
Chorus:
Now with every step & every breath,
I'll give it all, hold nothing back,
with all I am,
this is my choice to live to worship you,
so with all my heart, my soul, my mind
I love you, leave it all behind,
to live my life in awe of you,
it's the least that I can do.
Lord I really don't know how to write a song,
I'm not always eloquent
sometimes I get it wrong,
But the thing you're doing in me I can't describe.
What a fool I'd be if I chose to hide,
this transformation,new motivation.
Thought that we were close I've known you all this time,
but I was just living my life my way just getting by,
Thought that if i do a good deed or two,
that was enough to please you,
I kept the parts I wanted to,
and missed out on the real you.
Chorus:
Now with every step & every breath,
I'll give it all, hold nothing back,
with all I am,
this is my choice to live to worship you,
so with all my heart, my soul, my mind
I love you, leave it all behind,
to live my life in awe of you,
it's the least that I can do.
I've held on so long to all my hopes & dreams,
while your asking me to place them all at your feet,
Let my praise be more than a song I'll sing for you,
Let me change all my ways in response to you,
I've lived for myself, Lord I need your help,
not I who lives but you
Chorus:
Now with every step & every breath,
I'll give it all, hold nothing back,
with all I am,
this is my choice to live to worship you,
so with all my heart, my soul, my mind
I love you, leave it all behind,
to live my life in awe of you,
it's the least that I can do.
For you, for you are worthy of all honor
And you, deserve the sacrifice I'll give.
You've touched my heart,
and now I see what it is you want from me,
So I'll lose the things that hold me back,
so you can set me free.
Chorus:
Now with every step & every breath,
I'll give it all, hold nothing back,
with all I am,
this is my choice to live to worship you,
so with all my heart, my soul, my mind
I love you, leave it all behind,
to live my life in awe of you,
it's the least that I can do.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Pet peeve #2
While traveling on the Amtrak, a person shall not have a conversation on speakerphone. It's bad enough to have a regular conversation on your cell phone while everyone listens. You only add to the frustration of the whole train car by putting your daughter on speakerphone and having us hear "Like, I got like, a like a D or like."
I have reverted to the mindset of a junior high boy. I'm not in the mood to chase anymore. I'm at that age where it should just click. I thought a lot over the weekend about what I really want. I think I cam up with things I knew already but was blind to them. I want a relationship but in a very superficial way. I don't think I really want to work at a relationship. I don't want that "lovin" feeling. That feeling makes your stupid and makes you do things you don't want to.
I know that the emptiness I feel comes from a lack of relationship with God. Yes, that relationship requires work which is why I haven't been close to God all that often in my life. I've wondered a lot in the past few years about being single. More of it has to do with the lack of desire to be "tied down". But at the same time there is something very appealing about it. Now, when I normally bring this topic up, people will bring up this verse:
8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
My question is what is meant by 1) controlling themselves and 2) to burn with passion?
Is the burning with passion more than the "natural desire" that all of us have? Is it some perversion of that desire?
I'm hoping to give this more thought and prayer than I ever have before.
While traveling on the Amtrak, a person shall not have a conversation on speakerphone. It's bad enough to have a regular conversation on your cell phone while everyone listens. You only add to the frustration of the whole train car by putting your daughter on speakerphone and having us hear "Like, I got like, a like a D or like."
I have reverted to the mindset of a junior high boy. I'm not in the mood to chase anymore. I'm at that age where it should just click. I thought a lot over the weekend about what I really want. I think I cam up with things I knew already but was blind to them. I want a relationship but in a very superficial way. I don't think I really want to work at a relationship. I don't want that "lovin" feeling. That feeling makes your stupid and makes you do things you don't want to.
I know that the emptiness I feel comes from a lack of relationship with God. Yes, that relationship requires work which is why I haven't been close to God all that often in my life. I've wondered a lot in the past few years about being single. More of it has to do with the lack of desire to be "tied down". But at the same time there is something very appealing about it. Now, when I normally bring this topic up, people will bring up this verse:
8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
My question is what is meant by 1) controlling themselves and 2) to burn with passion?
Is the burning with passion more than the "natural desire" that all of us have? Is it some perversion of that desire?
I'm hoping to give this more thought and prayer than I ever have before.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Pet peeve:
People who think that any public place is a daycare for their children. For instance, letting your kids run around Oberweis while you yap on the phone. Then leave the mess your kids made on the table for someone else to clean up. This also goes for parents who leave their kids in the toy aisles or target as if it were their bedroom.
By the way, Ellen Page is a cutie and I would totally marry Tina Fey.
People who think that any public place is a daycare for their children. For instance, letting your kids run around Oberweis while you yap on the phone. Then leave the mess your kids made on the table for someone else to clean up. This also goes for parents who leave their kids in the toy aisles or target as if it were their bedroom.
By the way, Ellen Page is a cutie and I would totally marry Tina Fey.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
this song has meant a lot to me the past couple weeks...
Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now
You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me x2)
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done(x2)
And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
Oh.. I know You love me
At the cross I bow my knee
Where your blood was shed for me
What can separate me now?(x2)
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done(x4)
Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now
You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me x2)
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done(x2)
And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
Oh.. I know You love me
At the cross I bow my knee
Where your blood was shed for me
What can separate me now?(x2)
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done(x4)
Monday, February 2, 2009
Change my heart oh God, make it ever true
We sang this song at church on sunday as a prayer of confession. I hadn't sung it in a while, it was a nice selection. I realized I had so much hate in my heart. Hate for people and just different circumstances in my life. I realized it was taking its toll on me. I prayed that God would help me to release that hate.
We sang this song at church on sunday as a prayer of confession. I hadn't sung it in a while, it was a nice selection. I realized I had so much hate in my heart. Hate for people and just different circumstances in my life. I realized it was taking its toll on me. I prayed that God would help me to release that hate.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I've faced my demons
Wrestling these angels to the ground
And all that I could find
Was a thin line between
All the saints and villains
It was crossed in my own minds
Someday I'm gonna find it
Wish I knew what I was looking for
Inside the disarray (inside the disarray)
I woke up this morning
Don’t know where I’m going
But it’s alright
I wouldn't have it any other way
Struggling between the facts and fiction
I’m alone
But I'm alive
Everyone around me is trying to make a statement, then there's me
I’m just trying to survive
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming/confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling/I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Wrestling these angels to the ground
And all that I could find
Was a thin line between
All the saints and villains
It was crossed in my own minds
Someday I'm gonna find it
Wish I knew what I was looking for
Inside the disarray (inside the disarray)
I woke up this morning
Don’t know where I’m going
But it’s alright
I wouldn't have it any other way
Struggling between the facts and fiction
I’m alone
But I'm alive
Everyone around me is trying to make a statement, then there's me
I’m just trying to survive
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming/confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling/I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Just wanted to give some excerpts from the book I'm reading right now, American Gospel:
"From appointing chaplains, opening legislative sessions with prayer, and declaring days of fasting and thanksgiving, the Founders' public piety has fueled a conservative view that the "wall" between church and state was erected only recently, in the more secular twentieth century. There is a distinction, however, between professing conviction(which traditions like legislative prayer do) and using an established church to coerce not only belief but conformity with political and cultural mores. In America a kind of "wall" between church and state-albeit a low one- has always been there, or at least has been since the last state disestablished its church in 1833. Given that a large majority do believe in a transcendent power, and given that the evocations of a transcendent power grew organically from the habits and hearts of the early Americans, it would be as unsound to ban the use of the word "God" from all arenas of public life as it would be to require every American to attend church services every Sunday. There are infinite shades of gray and nuance about when religious expression in public places is appropriate, and we will be forever engaged in sorting out those things. God did not give us easy answers; we should not expect the world he created to provide them."
Speaking of the differing sects of religion in America at the time, J. Hector St. John de Crevecoeur wrote, "Thus all sects are mixed, as well as all nations; thus religious indifference is imperceptibly disseminated from one end of the continent to the other, which is at present one of the strongest characteristics of the Americans."
I have enjoyed this book so far and am intrigued to see where it goes. It's given me insight into the role religion played in the founding of our nation. I think we can learn from the example set forth by the founding fathers. Despite the all conflict we have here in our country as it relates to religion, race, nationality, gender or all the other differences, our country still works. There is much work to be done to make things better, we are nowhere near where we could be as a nation. I feel that we still hold to our own. We stubbornly hold to things that can be let go. We need to find a way to be proud of who we are and where we're from without it disrupting the common good. I hope that as time goes on, those walls that separate us from each other will be broken down. I'm proud to be an American and for what this country was founded on. I believe we are blessed to live in a country where the transition of power still happens peacefully. A country where people can go to church, mosque, temple or wherever else they choose to worship without forceful coercion. Yes, we have problems, but what country doesn't? James Madison wrote "If men were angels, no government would be necessary." And, "If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary."
"From appointing chaplains, opening legislative sessions with prayer, and declaring days of fasting and thanksgiving, the Founders' public piety has fueled a conservative view that the "wall" between church and state was erected only recently, in the more secular twentieth century. There is a distinction, however, between professing conviction(which traditions like legislative prayer do) and using an established church to coerce not only belief but conformity with political and cultural mores. In America a kind of "wall" between church and state-albeit a low one- has always been there, or at least has been since the last state disestablished its church in 1833. Given that a large majority do believe in a transcendent power, and given that the evocations of a transcendent power grew organically from the habits and hearts of the early Americans, it would be as unsound to ban the use of the word "God" from all arenas of public life as it would be to require every American to attend church services every Sunday. There are infinite shades of gray and nuance about when religious expression in public places is appropriate, and we will be forever engaged in sorting out those things. God did not give us easy answers; we should not expect the world he created to provide them."
Speaking of the differing sects of religion in America at the time, J. Hector St. John de Crevecoeur wrote, "Thus all sects are mixed, as well as all nations; thus religious indifference is imperceptibly disseminated from one end of the continent to the other, which is at present one of the strongest characteristics of the Americans."
I have enjoyed this book so far and am intrigued to see where it goes. It's given me insight into the role religion played in the founding of our nation. I think we can learn from the example set forth by the founding fathers. Despite the all conflict we have here in our country as it relates to religion, race, nationality, gender or all the other differences, our country still works. There is much work to be done to make things better, we are nowhere near where we could be as a nation. I feel that we still hold to our own. We stubbornly hold to things that can be let go. We need to find a way to be proud of who we are and where we're from without it disrupting the common good. I hope that as time goes on, those walls that separate us from each other will be broken down. I'm proud to be an American and for what this country was founded on. I believe we are blessed to live in a country where the transition of power still happens peacefully. A country where people can go to church, mosque, temple or wherever else they choose to worship without forceful coercion. Yes, we have problems, but what country doesn't? James Madison wrote "If men were angels, no government would be necessary." And, "If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary."
Thursday, January 15, 2009
1 Corinthians 6:11-13
And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
Last week at our retreat there seemed to be a lot of talk about being free in Christ. The disciplines we discussed were supposed to free us from the things that kept us in bondage. Whether it was our sin, tv, food or anything else. I thought a lot last week about what it was that had a hold over me. It's part of the reason why I was not opposed to getting rid of our tv. Now I sit here and wonder what else has a hold on me. What is in my life that distracts me from living a life that glorifies God? And the next question is, how far do I want to go with this? I could easily fall into the trap of legalism or asceticism. I could also develop a high and mighty attitude about myself. The biggest question I have is am I doing the things I do for the glory of God or to please people? One of the topics covered in my psych eval is that I'm a people pleaser. That is 100% true. I think most who know me would agree with that.
I sit here and things that may have a hold on me come into my head. I say to myself, "maybe I should let that go". Then another voice says "well, what's so and so going to think about that?" People are going to think you're weird or people are going to say that you think you're high and mighty. I ask again, am I doing this for God? For myself? For the admiration from others? Or for the fear of persecution from others? What is the driving force behind my actions?
What is God asking me to change? What clutter exists in my life that I need to get rid of?
That was thought #1.
I listened to a song called "Coming Back Home" by Bebe Winans, Joe and Brian McKnight. I've loved this song for a long time. The lines that stuck out to me tonight were "I thought I had it all figured out, I needed time away to work it out" and "Just to be in your arms is like heaven to me, your love is all that I need". The meaning of the song for me has usually been that after walking away from God, I have come back realizing that God is all I need. Tonight, something different happened. The song made me think of Chicago. The chorus says "I'm coming back home, home, to where love is waiting for me. Been gone much too long, this is where I want to be." For now I know that God wants me here at Western and I'm going to be here through at least May. Beyond that I don't really know what is going to happen. I've met some cool people here, my church is great and God is definitely working in my life. But...
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Fiiiinalllllyyyy...Jase has come back...to...
It has been quite some time since my last real update. I don't even know where to begin.
Let's go back to finals week. Finals week of the first semester had to be one of the roughest weeks of school I ever had. Part of it is my fault because I put off a bunch of papers until then. I think I wrote two papers on Monday. My Tuesday was full of class and then bowling. I wrote two more papers on Wednesday. On Wednesday night I went out with some of the upperclassmen to the bar for some much needed refreshment. Once I got back I started to study for my two finals on Thursday. Thursday's first exam was in OT which I did horribly on but still managed a good grade in the class. The final exam for Theology was one I did well one including rocking the heck out of the communion prayer. Let me tell you, I was dead set against memorizing it. I did it anyway and now I'm glad I did. With those two exams down, the only one left was the grand-daddy of them all...Greek. I was so nervous about this one that I woke up at 5:30am on Friday because it was all I could think and dream about. I went into it just wanting to pass, I ended up with a B- on the thing. I was so freaking happy. Friday continued on with a blizzard which didn't help for travel the next day.
On Saturday the 20th, I had planned a service project with my youth group. We helped another church out with a food program they are a part of. It's called Angel Food Ministries and you can get some good food for cheap. About halfway through the day I noticed that the sky was blue and thought that it might be a good day to get out of Dodge. There was another storm headed towards Holland so I figured this might be my one good shot. I left for Chicago that afternoon and arrived back in time for the Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.
My time in Chicago provided me with some much needed rest. I got to see friends and family without having to worry about school. I must admit that there were times when I felt like an outsider. It doesn't upset me, just part of the deal. I tried to spread my time out so hopefully people got to see enough of me. One of my favorite nights was a dinner date I had with a wonderful friend. Upon seeing me she got this big smile on her face and her eyes lit up and she gave me a big hug. Now, that's how you greet someone you haven't seen in a while. It was also nice to be able to celebrate my grandma's 85th birthday. She's still got most of her marbles left and still can move around fairly well. Praise God for that.
I left Chicago on the January 2nd and had a good friend along for the ride back to Holland. She paid me back for the ride with dinner at Broadway Cafe, a great place here in Holland. For the Chicago readers, this place is like Sauganash or Jack's. I actually think its better, so if you come out to visit then we can go there. On the 3rd I got to hang out with CCP's college group. The group had come out here for a retreat. We explored downtown Holland, not hard to do and then I got to hang out with them the rest of the day. T and Notso got the pleasure of meeting my roomie and also got balloon animals. I also go to play Bang! for the first time in a while. As Sheriff I won two games, both ending with a one on one showdown with Tori. I need to buy this game. Later in the night I gave a little devotional and joined the group in sharing and singing. I also got to use part of the communion prayer which I was excited about.
On January 5th, most of the junior class at Western Sem left for a retreat in Donaldson, IN. Now I don't like Indiana all that much but this place was alright in my book. We stayed at a nunnery/conference center run by the Poor Handmaids of Jesus Christ. We were pretty much out in the boonies and it was a good week of reflection and contemplation. We were split into groups and each group presented a different spiritual discipline. The disciplines were taken from Richard Foster's book, The Celebration of Discipline. I recommend looking at it if you get the chance. My group lead the discussion on simplicity which focused on removing the clutter in your life. I will return to my application of tha discipline later. The week was full of presentations, eating and some good ol fellowship. I had fun getting to know my classmates better and see some of them in a new light. It's pretty hard to be fake for a whole week so I think a lot of us saw the "real" side of our classmates. If my classmates hadn't already figured me out, they learned that I know way too many songs. I learned how to play Euchre and Ticket to Ride, both excellent games. The quote of the week comes from one of the ladies in the nursing home that we served at. She was sharing about her life and talking a bit about reform in the church. Near the end of her "sermon" she said this, "The Republicans are the Pharisees". I almost lost it, that was one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. Anyways the week allowed me to think a lot about my calling and what God has in store for me.
We returned to Holland on January 9th and not much happened this past weekend. I watched a lot of football. One thing that struck me again was that my church up here is a group of faithful and loving people. I hadn't been to sunday service since Dec 14th so I was wondering what it would feel like. I felt instantly loved as I walked through the doors. The service was great and it was a full service. Elders and deacons were installed, we did a sock puppet show and we had communion. At the end of the service one of elders called up the pastor, the worship leader and me up to the front. He gave us all a card on behalf of the congregation. It was a christmas gift and I was extremely shocked and very grateful for it. After service I got to sit down and talk to one of the coolest guys at the church. I got to here a little more about his life and it was just a good time of fellowship. It's funny because coming out of the retreat I was dead set on pursuing college ministry but after church on sunday I want to stay at Haven Shores. I think God is going to do some good things there.
So, here I am now...its January 13th actually and I'm sitting in my room at 12:56am. Tonight something happened that I never thought would happen. Before we left for the retreat my roomie brought up the idea of getting rid of our TV in the living room. My first instinct was "blasphemy", how dare you say that. But with my group focusing on simplicity, I actually was open to the idea. The second thing that blocked it was the xbox issue. If we don't have a tv in our apt then where does my xbox go? The only other place is the lounge and that means I would have to share my xbox. I thought about it during the week and I felt more and more that getting rid of the TV was a good idea. So, tonight when my roomie went back home, he took his TV with him. I then got all the xbox stuff together and moved it to the lounge. Anyone who knows me should realize how big of a step this is. I don't say all of this to seem high and mighty. I have nothing against television and I will continue to watch it. But the wasting of time in front of it is something that I hope will change. This may be a small thing but God is changing me in big and small ways. So, tonight we went out and got a plant for the living room and also got a new lamp. I think it looks nice, it will just take some time to adjust.
All in all, things are good here in Holland at at seminary. I feel more and more that this is where God wants me to be. I continue to develop relationships with people and realize that it takes time. Peace out...
It has been quite some time since my last real update. I don't even know where to begin.
Let's go back to finals week. Finals week of the first semester had to be one of the roughest weeks of school I ever had. Part of it is my fault because I put off a bunch of papers until then. I think I wrote two papers on Monday. My Tuesday was full of class and then bowling. I wrote two more papers on Wednesday. On Wednesday night I went out with some of the upperclassmen to the bar for some much needed refreshment. Once I got back I started to study for my two finals on Thursday. Thursday's first exam was in OT which I did horribly on but still managed a good grade in the class. The final exam for Theology was one I did well one including rocking the heck out of the communion prayer. Let me tell you, I was dead set against memorizing it. I did it anyway and now I'm glad I did. With those two exams down, the only one left was the grand-daddy of them all...Greek. I was so nervous about this one that I woke up at 5:30am on Friday because it was all I could think and dream about. I went into it just wanting to pass, I ended up with a B- on the thing. I was so freaking happy. Friday continued on with a blizzard which didn't help for travel the next day.
On Saturday the 20th, I had planned a service project with my youth group. We helped another church out with a food program they are a part of. It's called Angel Food Ministries and you can get some good food for cheap. About halfway through the day I noticed that the sky was blue and thought that it might be a good day to get out of Dodge. There was another storm headed towards Holland so I figured this might be my one good shot. I left for Chicago that afternoon and arrived back in time for the Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.
My time in Chicago provided me with some much needed rest. I got to see friends and family without having to worry about school. I must admit that there were times when I felt like an outsider. It doesn't upset me, just part of the deal. I tried to spread my time out so hopefully people got to see enough of me. One of my favorite nights was a dinner date I had with a wonderful friend. Upon seeing me she got this big smile on her face and her eyes lit up and she gave me a big hug. Now, that's how you greet someone you haven't seen in a while. It was also nice to be able to celebrate my grandma's 85th birthday. She's still got most of her marbles left and still can move around fairly well. Praise God for that.
I left Chicago on the January 2nd and had a good friend along for the ride back to Holland. She paid me back for the ride with dinner at Broadway Cafe, a great place here in Holland. For the Chicago readers, this place is like Sauganash or Jack's. I actually think its better, so if you come out to visit then we can go there. On the 3rd I got to hang out with CCP's college group. The group had come out here for a retreat. We explored downtown Holland, not hard to do and then I got to hang out with them the rest of the day. T and Notso got the pleasure of meeting my roomie and also got balloon animals. I also go to play Bang! for the first time in a while. As Sheriff I won two games, both ending with a one on one showdown with Tori. I need to buy this game. Later in the night I gave a little devotional and joined the group in sharing and singing. I also got to use part of the communion prayer which I was excited about.
On January 5th, most of the junior class at Western Sem left for a retreat in Donaldson, IN. Now I don't like Indiana all that much but this place was alright in my book. We stayed at a nunnery/conference center run by the Poor Handmaids of Jesus Christ. We were pretty much out in the boonies and it was a good week of reflection and contemplation. We were split into groups and each group presented a different spiritual discipline. The disciplines were taken from Richard Foster's book, The Celebration of Discipline. I recommend looking at it if you get the chance. My group lead the discussion on simplicity which focused on removing the clutter in your life. I will return to my application of tha discipline later. The week was full of presentations, eating and some good ol fellowship. I had fun getting to know my classmates better and see some of them in a new light. It's pretty hard to be fake for a whole week so I think a lot of us saw the "real" side of our classmates. If my classmates hadn't already figured me out, they learned that I know way too many songs. I learned how to play Euchre and Ticket to Ride, both excellent games. The quote of the week comes from one of the ladies in the nursing home that we served at. She was sharing about her life and talking a bit about reform in the church. Near the end of her "sermon" she said this, "The Republicans are the Pharisees". I almost lost it, that was one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. Anyways the week allowed me to think a lot about my calling and what God has in store for me.
We returned to Holland on January 9th and not much happened this past weekend. I watched a lot of football. One thing that struck me again was that my church up here is a group of faithful and loving people. I hadn't been to sunday service since Dec 14th so I was wondering what it would feel like. I felt instantly loved as I walked through the doors. The service was great and it was a full service. Elders and deacons were installed, we did a sock puppet show and we had communion. At the end of the service one of elders called up the pastor, the worship leader and me up to the front. He gave us all a card on behalf of the congregation. It was a christmas gift and I was extremely shocked and very grateful for it. After service I got to sit down and talk to one of the coolest guys at the church. I got to here a little more about his life and it was just a good time of fellowship. It's funny because coming out of the retreat I was dead set on pursuing college ministry but after church on sunday I want to stay at Haven Shores. I think God is going to do some good things there.
So, here I am now...its January 13th actually and I'm sitting in my room at 12:56am. Tonight something happened that I never thought would happen. Before we left for the retreat my roomie brought up the idea of getting rid of our TV in the living room. My first instinct was "blasphemy", how dare you say that. But with my group focusing on simplicity, I actually was open to the idea. The second thing that blocked it was the xbox issue. If we don't have a tv in our apt then where does my xbox go? The only other place is the lounge and that means I would have to share my xbox. I thought about it during the week and I felt more and more that getting rid of the TV was a good idea. So, tonight when my roomie went back home, he took his TV with him. I then got all the xbox stuff together and moved it to the lounge. Anyone who knows me should realize how big of a step this is. I don't say all of this to seem high and mighty. I have nothing against television and I will continue to watch it. But the wasting of time in front of it is something that I hope will change. This may be a small thing but God is changing me in big and small ways. So, tonight we went out and got a plant for the living room and also got a new lamp. I think it looks nice, it will just take some time to adjust.
All in all, things are good here in Holland at at seminary. I feel more and more that this is where God wants me to be. I continue to develop relationships with people and realize that it takes time. Peace out...
Sunday, January 4, 2009
On 2nd thought, let the world read...
God is up to something...not sure if I like it yet...hehe.
Little by little bit everyday, little by little bit every way, my Jesus, He's changing me
God is trying to change me and I want the change but I'm still putting up the initial fight.
There are quite a few things on my mind right now and my hope is that the upcoming retreat will help me sort through some of those. I'm also looking forward to getting to know my classmates even better.
I will update either friday or saturday...
God is up to something...not sure if I like it yet...hehe.
Little by little bit everyday, little by little bit every way, my Jesus, He's changing me
God is trying to change me and I want the change but I'm still putting up the initial fight.
There are quite a few things on my mind right now and my hope is that the upcoming retreat will help me sort through some of those. I'm also looking forward to getting to know my classmates even better.
I will update either friday or saturday...
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