I find it interesting that even after all these years I am still that scared little boy who never wants to leave home.

It's certainly not as bad as last year but I still feel it. Part of me is still there.

I know I should go back to Holland. I know that is where God wants me at this time. However, I am again torn. Feeling as if I want to be in two places at one time. Two places in which I still don't perfectly fit. As the song goes, I want everything and nothing at the same time. I want to be in Chicago with my crew, living the life I always thought I would. Yet, I want to be in Holland with my crew because that is where I will grow. I almost wish I could commute to school...=) I almost feel like leaving Chicago this year will be harder than it was last August. I know there are good things in Holland and I love it there. There is just something about being "home" though, it's safe. Even though I have settled in Holland, its still not home. I know its just a place of transition. I am still trusting in the process though. God is faithful, hopefully I am.