Stress is a mofo

The past few weeks have been filled with all types of stress. Papers and tests filled last week especially. Some the busyness was due to procrastination of course but that's just how it is. It's looking like the workload will ease up after this week. I am just ready to be out of here.

Another form of stress comes by way of job searching. I sent out my profile over a month ago and I have not heard much from any of those churches. Granted this is just the beginning of the job search and I shouldn't put too much emphasis on this first batch of churches. However, not even getting a first interview makes me feel pretty crappy. Not knowing what will happen after June can be somewhat depressing. All of my life up to this point I knew what the next step was. Sometimes I took a long time to get to that next step but at least it was there. Now I look in the future and I see nothing but fog. I have set aside next Sunday as a job search day. Let's hope it goes well.

All this to say that the weight loss has not gone well over the past couple weeks. I weighed myself this morning and I was at 326.2. I know why and feel a little bit of motivation to lose it but on the whole I could care less. I just want to say "fuck it" right now. Eating what I want seems to be one of the few things that bring me joy right now. I went for a walk this evening, it was nice and somewhat relaxing. I thought the whole time about the future and where I am headed. I have no real answers and for the first time in life I am not okay with it. But I don't have the time to worry about it because I have wonderful assignments to complete for classes I don't give a shit about.