Drinkin that Hatorade

Psalm 51:10-12, ¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and put a new and right^* spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me away from your presence,
and do not take your holy spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and sustain in me a willing^* spirit.

Those words are some of the most often quoted from the Psalms. They have always held a significant place in my heart. Mostly because I always find myself straying away from God, wallowing in my own sinful acts. They have become even more special to me because of a song by the group "Commissioned". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNS9GrOAYCU
The video is kind of cheesy but I absolutely love the song and have for quite some time. It always seems to bring me to the verge of tears.

I find myself in a position right now where I do not feel the joy of the Lord's salvation. I do not find joy in much of anything these days. There is an anger, a hurt, or a sadness that is running through my veins. I cannot seem to be happy for myself or for anyone else. I find myself wanting to tear people down instead of building them up. Pessimism and cynicism are becoming my default positions.

Why is this so? I think one of the reasons is the toll that the search for a church has taken on my emotions and my spirit. I have had many dark days in the past few months, wondering what God's will is in this area of my life. Another reason is because I have strayed away from God, from His Word, and from the community of faith. I have turned to unhealthy ways to deal with my frustration and my melancholy. Those unhealthy acts have helped to plunge me even further into the depths of despair. The last thing is that I am simply not happy with myself, therefore I take it out on others. I am not happy with my life situation at the moment.

I know there is much joy to be found in my life right now and I need to focus in on those things. But at the same time I need to deal with the anger and frustration I feel. I can't ignore those feelings and expect them to go away. So, whoever reads this, I ask that you would keep me in your prayers. Ask that the Lord would restore joy into my heart, that I would renew my relationship with the Lord, and that I would pull myself away from the sin that holds me back.