Switchfoot once sang, "we were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?" i wonder for me if I've lost myself or if I am just now finding myself. I sat down this morning and started to answer the questions on my ministerial profile. I have also looked at and inquired about open positions and churches within my denomination. It's getting real now. In six months I could be employed full time at church. i could be a solo pastor somewhere. Am I ready for all of this? The m.o. of most of my life has been running away from responsibility. Running away when things got hard. here I am, one semester away from graduating seminary. I've stuck it out, I didn't run when it got tough. But am I ready? I have grown in so many ways over the past two years and four months. I am just beginning to find the things that I am passionate about. I haven't done anything about it though. I wanna help the poor and the oppressed. Am I out there serving at a soup kitchen or a food pantry? No. I feel a call to lead people in the church. I can hardly get myself up to go to church on Sunday. I wanna eat better, live better, serve better, do everything better. Have I made any strides in the past couple months? No. I am indeed meant to live for so much more. I am finding myself but at the same time I am losing myself. I don't know what to do sometimes. I feel like I am constantly at war with my own mind. What part of me needs to die in order for me to truly live?