What am I afraid of? Well, for me there are a lot of tangible things like bodies of water, airplanes, heights, animals, etc... Then there are the intangibles like the fear of failure. I think most of fear failure to some extent. I sit here and wonder if its truly failure I'm afraid of? Or is it the fear of stepping out of my warm bath of comfort and walking out into the cold? God has blessed me with gifts and the Holy Spirit is within me, why am I still afraid? Why do I get in my own way? Why am I my own worst enemy? Why don't I have confidence? Why do I have so much passion for a baseball team?

Not that there is anything wrong with loving the Cubs, I don't think God minds us enjoying a little baseball. But why all the nerves and anxiousness surrounding something I have no impact on? I have to learn this lesson every year. Last year wasn't so bad, I don't think the expectations were as high. I guess its just like anything else in life that you invest time, energy and emotion into. When things don't go the way you would like, you start to question.

I read this morning about being on the mountain top and also in the valley. Its easy to praise God on top of the mountain but what about in the valley? However, the valley is where God works in us the most. I keep hearing things along that line while I've been here. The whole idea of being uncomfortable and truly relying on God. How does that really look? Am I humbling myself before God or am I still trying to do this all by myself? So many questions...